Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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