Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
