If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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