My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
