I wish I could punch you in the face.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
