careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
