I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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