party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
