they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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