after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this is an emotional support booty call
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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