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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home

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• (661): View more from California

  I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore

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• (361): View more from Texas

  WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

  (903): View more from Texas

  I would peed on everything

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• (353): View more from

  I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!

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• (707): View more from California

  Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF

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