So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
