Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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