what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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