Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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