I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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