she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
