she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
