It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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