Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
