I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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