I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I checked into jail on foursquare
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
