I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're too hungover to prance.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
