I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
