He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
