You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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