I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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