my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
