its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
