Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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