Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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