Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
