HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
do herpes really smell.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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