Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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