I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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