I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
