I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
