I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
