she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
