just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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