Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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