my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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