i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I will pee on everything he values.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
