Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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