i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
