Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
