So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
