if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
