you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
