I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
