my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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